Sunday, November 20, 2016

Paleo-Orthodoxy: Six Ways To Be More Sanctified Than Others

1. Acknowledge the sinfulness of others in a holy way.- Use phrases like, "When I was a sinner like you.." or "It must be so difficult living outside His grace." at least three to four times in every conversation. It is important that they know you're sanctified.

2. Be more ascetic than them.- If they give up one meal a week, you give up two. Make sure you let them know you've given up more than them as often as possible, otherwise it is an  opportunity wasted. This means they see you as someone who doesn't need material things to be happy, even if you do drive the latest Mercedes Benz convertible and eat caviar.

3. Give unsolicited discipleship lessons.- Nothing demonstrates your sanctification better than giving them a lesson every time you meet. This also reinforces the fact that you're holier and smarter than they are.

4. Have a prayer list titled "Sinners and the Lost" prominently displayed with their name on it.- This tells them that their salvation is wholly dependent on your sanctification and holiness manifest in prayer for them. Be sure they see this prayer list.

5. Don't identify with their struggles.- Affirming that you experience such struggles only makes them think you're on the same level as them. Instead use phrases like, "I claimed victory over..", or "If you're not blessed, you're doing something wrong." Be sure to misuse scripture quotes like, "I can do all things through Christ..". Remember: you're sanctified and they need to know it.

6. Wear Christian t-shirts and other paraphernalia.- This is like having a black belt in faith. It says you're a spiritual warrior. And what is important is not so much that you are a spiritual warrior, but that your unsanctified friends think you're a spiritual warrior- because that's more sanctified.

*Yes, this is sarcastic humor.

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