Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Paleo-Orthodoxy: How To Be A False Prophet

Prophetic discernment is the primary way to demonstrate you're far superior to others as a disciple of Jesus. It says you hear the Holy Spirit and they don't. If you can't prophetically discern the inner life and struggles of others you're just a spiritual plebe. Here are five simple ways to use your prophetic discernment.

1. Exercise your prophetic discernment by making ambiguous claims or predictions. This lessens the chances of you being wrong in your assumptions...err..discernment, which makes you appear more prophetically discerning and in tune with the Holy Spirit. Use phrases like, "The Spirit is telling me you're going to go through a serious challenge sometime this year." or, "The Lord is telling me (fill in the blank) will happen if you're not obedient."

2. When confronted by pesky theologians and apologists pointing out your heretical statements while prophesying, be sure to retreat to an extreme fideism that rejects education as worldly. Respond with something along the lines of, "Well, that's man's worldly knowledge. I have Holy Spirit wisdom, which is superior to man's limited thinking." This means you can still claim to be a Christian without actually paying attention to those doctrines that actually comprise the faith.

3. When exercising your prophetic discernment never offer any real insight. It's always best to leave them guessing, which makes them think you're in touch with the Holy Spirit. Say things like, "I feel very impressed to tell you to be very careful." When they ask for clarification just tell them to pray. After all, mystery is a part of faith.

4. Be sure to claim the ability to physically see angels working. This affirms your prophetic discernment ability and shows them you're a more advanced disciple of Christ than they are. If anyone ever calls you a fraud or expresses doubt, simply say the following: "You're quenching the Holy Spirit.", or "Are you doubting the things of God?" It is also helpful to question their salvation. This places them in opposition to God, and makes you seem even more prophetic. When in doubt tell them they're blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

5. Use your prophetic discernment as a scapegoat. When you simply don't want to be around someone, dislike them, or find them beneath you or undeserving of your disciplic influence, just use your discernment to avoid doing all those relationship things Jesus wanted us to do. Statements like, "The Lord is telling me I have to stop talking to you.", or, "The Spirit is grieved by our friendship." work well. This helps you avoid the responsibility of healthy God centered relationships without the stigma of just being a self centered jerk.

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